One of the blessings of being human is that we get to experience love. Many of us fall into the habit of looking to others to feel loved and we often overlook the one person that has the capability to love us unconditionally- that’s the person looking back at us in the mirror!
Having loving relationships can be wonderful but if we always depend on others to feel loved, this will lead to disappointments because people don’t always do what we want or make us feel how we want to feel.
At times, we may even start arguing with others hoping they will see how amazing we are, how loveable we are. We all know how well that’s going to work out for us.
Sometimes the constant craving for love and validation from others can fill our days with unproductive meaningless actions that give us temporary pleasures only to wake up the next morning to continue this unconscious habit.
Freeing ourselves from this pattern
In those moments of cravings, disappointments or feelings of inadequacy, what if we decided to take a step back and ask ourselves: How can I love myself in this moment?
It sounds beautiful, but how do we actually apply this or even remember to do this, right?
This is where a morning ritual is vital. As a matter of fact, a morning ritual done mindfully is pertinent to turning the practice of Self-Love into a habit.
It may sound cheesy to some of you, but those who have a mindful morning ritual are more likely to have a loving compassionate attitude towards themselves, their jobs and others. In the past, when I had just started my on again off again mindful morning ritual, I could feel the difference in the way I was acting towards myself and others on the days I did not practice.
We don’t need to spend hours on this, all it takes is 20 minutes. Wake up 20 minutes earlier than you need to, preferably before everyone else wakes up.
The DON’T ritual of the morning
Avoid looking at your phone, checking social media, emails, news or anything that will take your attention away from you for the first 20 minutes after you wake up. It will be tempting at times if this has been your morning ritual, but if we truly wish to make self-love a daily habit, gently remind yourself that you can always check these things after 20 minutes.
Mindful morning ritual to cultivate self-love
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Sip your coffee or tea quietly. Notice the taste, the temperature, the smell as you sip your beverage. You will feel resistance to doing this after a couple of sips if this is your first time. Notice this resistance, but don’t judge yourself for the resisting thoughts, gently bring your attention back to sipping the beverage mindfully. Notice how each sip goes down your throat and the sensations in your belly. If we are used to drinking coffee or tea in a rush, this is our first morning practice to slow down and enjoy the simple pleasures of life.
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Meditate. Meditate anywhere from 5 to 10 minutes. My personal practice includes a 10-minute breath meditation or loving-kindness meditation. If I have more time or wake up earlier, I may meditate longer. If you are new to meditation, this blog post by Leo Babauta is a great place to start. Set a timer for the amount of time you wish to meditate, so that you don’t get preoccupied with your meditation time going over.
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Journal. What does your perfect day look like to you? What will you focus on today? What is your affirmation for the day? Journaling is a great way to find clarity on what is meaningful to us. It also helps us sort through the mental clutter and teaches us to verbalize what our beliefs are and what our goals are, thus allowing us to focus our energy on tasks that truly matter to us. Don’t rush this process because we want to be as authentic and honest as possible in this practice.
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Gaze into your eyes. Before you start getting ready for the day, look in the mirror, gaze into your eyes and say out loud- “I Love You”. Pause and reflect as you continue gazing into your eyes. Allow all emotions to surface without resistance or judgment. Then say “I Love You” out loud, then pause and reflect again. Repeat this pattern as long as you feel the need to. End the practice saying, “I wish you a wonderful day.”
Even if you cannot incorporate all four of the above practices into your morning ritual, start with one. Then try a different one the next day and slowly build up all four into your morning ritual.
Bring compassion and non-judgment to the practice
If we are a beginner to morning rituals, we may miss a day. Those days, don’t be hard on yourself, remind yourself that you are a beginner in this practice. Find creative solutions to get yourself back on track the next morning- such as finding an accountability partner, joining an online community or journaling the night before.
As you commit to these practices every day, at least one of these will become your habit in the mornings, perhaps even throughout the day. You may choose to sip that beverage during your coffee break at work or when the kids are napping mindfully. You may remind yourself of the affirmation you created throughout the day. You may take a few minutes to meditate during your lunch break. You may choose to look in the mirror during your bathroom break and gaze into your eyes. Once these practices are no longer foreign to us, we will find it easy to implement these anytime, anywhere.
Why a morning ritual is important
Self-love is not something we can think ourselves into feeling. It takes practice. We have to cultivate the habit of loving ourselves unconditionally. Waking up just a little earlier and devoting that time to quietly reflect will add much value to our lives in the short term and long term.
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These practices continue to help me find clarity, struggle less, serve egolessly as possible, focus more on what is meaningful to me and less on doing things that will make me feel loved or validated by others. If I notice the craving for love and validation coming up, now with these practices I’m more aware and know that I can choose to not act on that feeling. In those moments, I can choose to focus on the art of loving myself.
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Much Love,
Simi
Photo credit: Bruce Mars
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