OUR STRUGGLES
Almost a decade ago, I went through the biggest struggle of my life. I had hit rock bottom with my divorce. I experienced extreme suffering.
Even before that, I can recall my daily struggles of trying to manage the household with two kids while working full time.
I have also met and constantly read about people who struggle to recover from experiences from their childhood, a romantic heartbreak or divorce, find healthy relationships, transform their eating habits or with the daily work/family problems that make them feel stuck in a vicious cycle of negative feelings and hopelessness.
All of us have struggles. It is one of the conditions of this human experience.
Our struggles can be gross or subtle. It can be in the form of extreme physical and mental pain and torment to subtle inner conflicts.
There are scientific studies that show a few of us are genetically wired to be at ease with struggles and challenges, but most of us have to work hard at it, really hard.
Some try to find relief from their daily challenges and struggles through alcohol, sex, drugs or by going to happy hours, treating themselves to a pedicure, getting a new hairstyle, going to a spa, buying that irresistible watch or going on exotic vacations. Realizing how shortlived these experiences are, they subconsciously fall into the trap of craving for more of these experiences, never really finding fulfillment and contentment.
Some try to overcome it through counseling, support groups, spirituality, reading self-help books, Yoga, meditation, DMT, but to no avail.
Why is it not working?
What I have learned from my own experiences and the research I have done is that it has everything to do with the goal we have in mind.
Most people look to overcome their struggles by searching for happiness. This goal is simply the reason why it is not working.
ILLUSIONS OF HAPPINESS
When contacts are made through our five senses (eyes, ears, nose, tongue, and touch), feelings arise. Feelings are emotional responses to these senses. We categorize these feelings into pleasant (happy), unpleasant (unhappy) or neutral.
When we see a beautiful flower, eat tasty food or hear soothing music or flattering words or kiss our lover, pleasant feelings arise. When we see snakes, hear criticisms or taste something bitter, unpleasant feelings arise. Then there are also moments of neutral feelings which occurs throughout the day which we seldom notice.
We are conditioned to welcome pleasant feelings, unwelcome unpleasant feelings and not pay attention to neutral feelings. Our life thus turns into a struggle of resisting unpleasant feelings and craving pleasant feelings.
Once we become addicted to the ‘feeling of happiness’, our struggle continues.
Science states the four primary chemicals in the brain that affects the feelings of happiness are dopamine, oxytocin, serotonin, and endorphins. They all need to be present in order to experience happiness.
There are ways to increase these chemicals in the brain; however, they all require specific external conditions to be present.
When the right external conditions are no longer present, we begin to feel the craving to trigger these chemicals, which creates just another addiction.
Once we become addicted to the ‘pleasant feelings’ or ‘feeling of happiness’, our struggle continues.
THE BODY MATRIX
A matrix is defined as an environment in which something develops.
If we are trying to overcome our struggles by searching for happiness, our mind is still stuck in a matrix that is unconscious, the ‘Body Matrix’.
All the developments in Body Matrix originate from our unconscious experiences from childhood to present moment.
These developments eventually fall into the three marks of existence in the Body Matrix:
- Self Pride
- Self Rejection
- Self Indulgence.
All of our struggles will continue to exist until we have learned to escape these three impediments in the Body Matrix.
This practice of unveiling and getting in touch with our true nature leads to experiencing the unconditional love of the self.
If searching for happiness should not be the goal, then what should be the goal to overcome our struggles?
The goal must be the unveiling of our authentic selves.
This requires seeing through all the identities we have been conditioned to believe and uphold about ourselves and project to the outside world.
This practice of unveiling and getting in touch with our true nature leads to experiencing the unconditional love of the self.
WHAT IS SELF-LOVE?
Psychologist and Social Philosopher Eric Fromm argue that in order to be able to truly love another person, a person first needs to love oneself in the way of respecting oneself and knowing oneself.
Eric Fromm’s concept of self-love is very common in eastern spiritual traditions and ancient Greece.
In Buddhist tradition, meditations in ‘Maitri’ (unconditional friendship with the self) is used to develop the ability to wish others well.
In the Yogic tradition, ‘Atma Prema’ (unconditional love of the self) is considered an elevated form of love in which the practitioner has learned to love without selfishness and with no expectations of something in return.
In Ancient Greek, ‘Philautia’ (love of self) is derived from security within oneself which in turn allows love for others.
This perception of self-love is not common in our society; the understanding that self-love cannot be found in someone or something external to us and that one cannot love others unconditionally until one experiences unconditional love of the self.
When we are ignorant of this understanding, we search externally to end struggles and feel loved. This search keeps us stuck in the Body Matrix and never truly experience the power of Self-Love that exists in the Soul Matrix.
THE SOUL MATRIX
All transformations begin with an intention.
Overcoming most of our struggles and challenges can be achieved by setting an intention of Self-Love.
When the intention of loving ourselves unconditionally is created, one begins to enter the matrix that is conscious, which is the Soul Matrix.
All the developments in Soul Matrix originate from awareness- an acute awareness of who we are in relation to our physiology, emotions, feelings, thoughts, and behaviors.
This awareness over time results in the following three marks of existence in the Soul Matrix:
- Self Knowledge
- Self Acceptance
- Self Discipline.
When we begin to exist in the Soul Matrix, we will find ourselves in a place of unconditional love.
Existing in the Soul Matrix liberates us from the hamster wheel of struggles and challenges in life.
We are the creator of the Body Matrix. We are also the creator of the Soul Matrix. The first one is unconsciously created and the latter consciously created.
Unconditional love exists in the soul matrix; however, one cannot think oneself into the Soul Matrix. It cannot be accomplished just by reading or speculating concepts. It is a conscious practice of ‘unveiling’ and ‘revealing’.
Whatever your struggle might be, no matter how hopeless you may be feeling, I invite you to create the intention of Self-Love at this very moment. Every day, hold that intention of unconditional love for yourself and begin to trust that you can exist in the Soul Matrix.
Much love,
Simi
P.S: I would love to hear your thoughts about this post in the comments 🙂
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