What I am sharing in this post is my personal experience. I am in no way qualified to say what is best for another person. I felt the urge to be vulnerable and share because I believe the darkest part of our human experiences are meant to be shared if there was something we learned from it. Life is all about passing these lessons down.
This post is about several months of depression and anxiety I suffered and how I used meditation to overcome it. My goal here is not so much to evoke sympathy or empathy. It’s an attempt to display the Power of Meditation in my life.
“The goal of meditation isn’t to control your thoughts, it’s to stop letting them control you.”
My marriage fell apart and I was devastated. I couldn’t label my feelings and emotions at the time because I had not experienced it prior to this. It was all new to me. I was dealing with it the way I knew how. I kept reading the bible everyday since I grew up Christian but sadly none of it was effective* because I was strongly attached to the identity as a wife, mother and daughter.
Over time my mental state got worse and the world literally started to appear dark to me. For months, I dealt with these overwhelming feelings and emotions all by myself. I didn’t share what I was going through with many family or friends because the feelings of shame and worthlessness were too strong in me. The very few I chose to share it with did not know how to help me.
After several months of suffering in silence, I went to see a doctor and was diagnosed with clinical depression. To the medical experts, I was exhibiting all the symptoms listed in the medical journals, which included suicidal thoughts.
I walked away from the doctor’s office with a prescription for a medicine that will allow me to have less of these negative emotions. I was advised, if I take it, I may still have these troubling thoughts, but the intensity of the emotions will be less.
I decided to speak to someone that was taking this medication and I was told when they were on the pill, they felt distant from everything and everyone. I did not want to feel emotionally distant from my children, but I also knew I had to get better.
As always, Google came to my rescue. I saw an image online that read “meditation over medication.” I was curious and wanted to find out more. I googled again to find a meditation center and I found a Buddhist temple* near me that taught meditation.
I woke up the following Sunday morning, walked into that Buddhist center and the rest is history.
I threw away the prescription after the first meditation class I attended at the Buddhist center. Just after the first class, I had a glimpse of hope. For the first time in many months, I felt light.
I kept going and learned about attachment, my thought patterns, how to stay present, my illusions, self-love, self-compassion and so much more. I developed an understanding of the ‘Self’ and ‘myself’ in this human form.
“Our greatest challenge is related to our purpose.”
My role as a yoga and meditation teacher evolved from these challenges I faced in life. I had been graciously given the tools that have shifted my perspective of the world and everyone in it. I now realize these challenges I faced had nothing to with me, but had to do with those whom I would come across in the future.
It’s cliché to say “I’m glad these things happened in my life because these experiences shaped me into the woman I am today”, yet it couldn’t be any closer to my truth. I am happy to have experienced these challenges because my greatest lesson from it all was CHALLENGES I EXPERIENCE IN THIS LIFE ARE NEVER ABOUT ME!
My hope for my loved ones and everyone who reads this post is that it inspires you to give meditation a chance, preferably before challenges appear. It’s worth the effort and it’s free!
“Pain is inevitable but suffering is optional.”
* Reflecting back on the experience, I realize bible is wonderfully written to help those who are feeling hopeless, but at the time it wasn’t effective for me because I did not know “how to read, interpret and meditate on the words”. I am now able to receive more from the biblical passages because learning Meditation gave me the freedom to question, contemplate and reach a conclusion without any external noises.
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